Fresh Start Challenge Day 30: Then, Now, and Soon

Dear 15 year old self:

You really don't have it so bad. Sure you go to all girls school but it's not so bad I promise. We did good only inhaling once on the weed. Bad job on picking up smoking though. And eh on the drinking. It's not terrible like the smoking was on us.

Don't worry about the acne scars trust me there will be other scars to come that are far worse and way more embarrassing. I'm glad that you made it. And seriously grades don't make the person.


Dear me:

I know I give you a hard time on yourself all the time. But in order to be where we are now I had to be. We've come a long way in the past two years, got away from him, stop smoking, and got a better job. You have gotten over the miscarriage and the scariness of being alone. Now you are married, have a precious daughter and are building a new house. You exercise and attempt to eat right and you are finally hanging out with a good crowd.


Dear future me:

Well you have done the best you can. You've cried, screamed, and laughed. Don't stop dreaming and believing in things. Move on through life with the spirit of being 20 again. Yes you have fine lines and have babies and children that keep you from a nice clean house that was built 15 years ago but hey that's life. You wanted it like I want it. Lol just remember who to keep first and love Wayne with the rest of your heart.

Fresh Start Challenge Day 29: Shotgun

Mrs. Winthrop was peeking out of her window again.

She felt like she heard something for the 30th time.

Nothing. Absolutely nothing again.

She finally went outside. Her eyes gave sight to a snake.

Her eyes searched for something to kill it with while she tried not to move.

"Boom." The snake's head was blasted off with perfect precision.

Mrs. Winthrop only nodded, because her voice was lost on her.

She looked up at her neighbor Hunter.

"Guess it's a good thing we both look out our window a lot."

Fresh Start Challenge Day 28: Can We Come In?

This is so not my house (I wish we could build a safe room like this. Now my family that lives across the road from us has something similar to this.

We don't really have an emergency plans but that is changing when we get back from our mission trip and we are having to stay with friends and family. We will have plenty time to work on emergency plans. So soon we will know what to do when warnings or alarms sound.

Fresh Start Challenge Day 27: You Gotta Have Faith

First I have to explain about the above picture... She was chasing a duck after the reception today and all I could think about was something very inappropriate.... +Bridgitte will appreciate this.

WARNING LANGUAGE!

So at any rate Faith means the world to me. First God lives in my heart, Wayne is most of my heart, then there is Faith, and the rest of my family. 

Faith was so unexpected in my life. She showed Wayne that he need to work in his life and not think he had everything made just because he was a preacher. He is interesting man and so his daughter is just as curious. I may be blood related to her in some way even though she is not mine but in my heart she is completely mine.

I love her curiosity and her little ways. 

Fresh Start Challenge Day 26: Where There's a Will

Omg... He is a pirate and hot pirate at that. And his facial expressions rival those of Jack Sparrow!

I love it when he is fighting you can see the passion and the fury in his eyes. Please don't start with me when he has on the bandanna. I'll be melting so there is no point to talking to me. Also that voice? Drip. That's the sound of me melting or wet one, not sure which and could possibly be both.

Fresh Start Challenge Day 25: Sincerely Lillian

Dear Charlene aka Mom,

Thank you for taking me in when you didn't have do so. I am grateful for you caring for me all my life and giving me everything I need and want in life. I was very privileged to live as your daughter. You gave me the most out of my life and really made me feel like your daughter and not an extra.




Dear Pappie,

Meeting you for the first time totally changed my life. That's when I started believing in God. You were the first one to really make me think about having faith and about the Bible. The journal you gave me is completely filled out but is still beside my bed because it helps me through so much in life now. Thank you for showing me how to walk in faith.


Dear Faith,

You changed my world the moment you were left with Wayne. You showed me how being a mom felt and I cannot get enough of that feeling; especially since I had lost my own. You make me feel like I can save the world because you come running to me with your small fixable problems and then you give me that carefree grin and I lose all bad and negative thoughts. I love you as if you are my true own and nothing will separate us as a family again.


Dear Mom & Dad,

I've been wanting to write you for a year now. I wonder if I am the person you want me to be. I know you looked down on me and see the bad choices I have made. I know I concern you all the time. I do feel like I am doing better in the since of making better decisions. I know when to tell people no now and my backbone is cement strong now. Thank you for giving me life and I cannot wait to meet you one day.

Fresh Start Challenge Day 24: Doors Open

Tired with no sleep for over 38 hours and I get asked if I want to work the night shift. I told them no that I was turning in my two weeks notice.

I was scared to death because I worked out that notice not knowing where I was going to go. The reality that I just walked away from a management job scared me. I called my grandfather I had just met a few months before for the first time.

"Lillian, you did the right thing if it was interfering with your health."

I still didn't feel good about it. I prayed with my Pappie as he prayed to show me where I truly should be.

I went to pick Carolina and Hunter up from work and boom. Madame asked to speak with me.

"Hunter said you have a psychology degree and human resources degree."

My world flipped right back into place. I remember walking out and calling Pappie and he prayed again this time Thanking God for the opportunity.

Fresh Start Challenge Day 23: Where I am Yours and You are Mine

1. I have become obsessed with Malificent 
2. I am about to live in China for almost a month and while we are gone our house now is being demolished and we are rebuilding.
3. I am excited about going to Orlando in September!
4. I like to wear black all the time.
5. My favorite song right now is Oceans by Hillsong.

Fresh Start Challenge Day 22: Caged

"What if I had never got out?"

In really dark times I often wonder if I would even be alive if I hadn't of escaped. That's the thought that manages to escape from my brain and into my mind to bounce around.

I wonder how creative he would have gotten had he received more time with me. How many more scars would cover me or would I have lost a limb or feeling in another part of my body.

The scars and the lost of feeling in parts of my body is a constant reminder of what my life was once like and just how far I have come since then.

Fresh Start Challenge Day 21: How Hard Is It?

I don't care if you leave the toilet seat up, and I don't care if you move the remote. I also don't care if you leave dirty dishes in the sink. BUT PLEASE GOD CHANGE THE TV BACK TO TV WHEN YOU ARE THROUGH GAMING!!!

Wayne, I love to death (and that may come soon if he doesn't learn this) but he games all the time. I realize he has never lived with anyone else. I rarely game and I don't care to game. I like to watch the Tivo and Netflix and yet I manage to take the extra three steps before walking away from the TV.

We had this nice long argument this morning. We will see what good it did. But regardless I do love the big ape.

Fresh Start Challenge Day 20: Who We Are

Sometimes to get what you want the most, you have to do what you want the least.

I love the person I’ve become, because I fought to become her.

You know life is worth the struggle when you look back on what you lost and realize what you have now is way better than before.

The thing is, you make me happy. You walked in when it seemed like the rest of the world walked out. You were there, you are there. I never need to pretend when I’m around you, when I’m talking, when I’m with you. You’re hilarious; you make me laugh all the time. You seem to pick up when something’s wrong before everyone else does and you know exactly what to say to make it all okay, and even if it’s only for a little while, it helps. The thing is, I love you. Thank you for everything.

Crazy around my friends. Classy around guys. A freak around my family, but at a complete loss for words around you.

A woman's strength isn't just about how much she can handle before she breaks. It's about how much she must handle after she's broken.

She is clothed with strength and dignity and laughs without fear of the future - Proverbs 31:25

Where there is great love there are always miracles - Willa Cather

If God is all you have, you have all you need. - John 14:8

A girl expecting rescue never learns to save herself. - The Forgotten Garden

If you continuously compete with others, you become bitter, but if you continuously compete with yourself, you become better.

Your circle of friends must match your own aspirations and dreams, or you will find little support when you need it most. -Leon Brown

Pain doesn't just show up in our lives for no reason. It's a sign that something in our lives needs to change.

We all carry these things inside that no one else can see. They hold us down like anchors, they drown us out at sea.

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we're here we should dance.

Selfish people lose  so much in life, because even when they realize they are wrong, they don't know how to ask for forgiveness or show regrets.

Be thankful for all the trouble you don't have.

I loved you at your darkest. - Romans 5:8

"She turner her can'ts into cans and her dreams into plans."

Fresh Start Challenge 19: Just the Chicken Sandwich

Seriously I can be breaking down and in the middle of it someone offers me Chick Fil A and I'm dried up. My mom realized that early so she would always have Chikfila ready for me after doctor visits or anything like that. 

Oh and if you haven't tried their new salads... GET THEM! Freaking amazing!

Fresh Start Challenge Day 18: Time Has Come To Go On Your Own

My inspirations to blog are quite easy!

+Hunter

+Mary Ann 

+Odette

+Jessica 

+Carolina 

And a few others ones on Blog Lovin'.

I never believed I would have my own blog but here it is and I love it!

Fresh Start Challenge Post Day 17: The Fairies Do It

Amy Brown

Spring - God I HATE Spring! (Can I please, do what I hate about spring!?! No? Okay.)

• Tulips
• Honeysuckles
• Softball Season
• Babies every where!

Summer 

• Surfing
• Coconut and Pineapple Everything
• Kabobs
• Tiki torches

Winter 

• Holiday crafts
• Boots/ Fur clothing
• Decorating while singing
• Leaving footprints in the snow

Fall

• Sweaters
• Leather leggings
• The smells
• The colors

Fresh Start Challenge Day 16: My 1st Mother's Day

It was an amazing day for me! One I wasn't prepare or expecting. I woke up to my phone going off around 6 AM with Wayne telling me he was coming upstairs (I live with my sister still) and that I had better be decent. I, of course, wasn't.

He brought McDonald's and Faith brought me presents, cards, flowers and a balloon. My present was a Pandora bracelet. This one is the one I have been wanting. This is the complete silver one. The one I had been wearing was leather. This is gorgeous! I love the mommy charm he bought and the Fairy and Faith one.

We had a special mother's tea after church and it was fantastic. I loved it more than I thought I would. I definitely believe that being a mom is well worth all the grime, gripe, and grinds on the nerves.

Fresh Start Challenge Day 15: Fünfzehn

1. I have let go of the past. I haven't forgotten it but I have let it go.
2. I have helped many people along the way in my healing journey.
3. I have discovered my creative side.
4. I am not afraid to show my scars inside and out.
5. I am a mom to a wonderful little girl that runs away with my heart every day.
6. I have stuck with running even when I was alone.
7. I have learned to do the hobbies I love and wanted to learn.
8. I love my hair! It usually does what I want it to do.
9. My body is pretty flexible.
10. I have the ability to say no.
11. I only take so much then I call people out on their bullshit.
12. My handwriting
13. Seeing the world is being accomplished!
14. I am learning that Christmas is wayyyyy better than Halloween.
15. I am learning how to cook all kinds of yummy things.

Fresh Start Challenge Day 14: Bib Crazy

Faith is like her daddy in the fact that she is a messy eater so having a bib is a must. This idea above has saved me several headache ever since I came across one day on Pinterest. Just give a hook with the double sticky foam and wham where you need the bibs. I like having Faiths on the back of her high chair because we put her there a lot. It works out beautifully. This makes me a happy momma.

Fresh Start Challenge Day 13: Let's Go Fly A Kite

If you haven't figured it out, I'm a person that loves whimsical. Mary Poppins, Alice in Wonderland and the Tinkerbell Movies are my favorite Disney movies. Even if I don't like Tinkerbell the other fairies are amazing.

I desperately want a fairy garden. I am not one of these tree huggers that think carving a tree is mean. I would love to spend all day in the backyard building our fairy garden while drinking lemonade.

Also flying kites while on a picnic would be heaven.

Making our own water park in the backyard.

Anything as long as it isn't gaming or a movie or just simply going out to eat. That is so old and boring.

Fresh Start Challenge Day 12: Stronger

This song really shows what I was told and how I reacted. I was told by you that I was damaged goods that I was worthless. 

I might be damaged from your physically and I was mentally but I found people who have pulled me from your grasps and I am not looking back. Enjoy your time in prison. 

I can only hope that someday that karma visits you.

Fresh Start Challenge Day 11: Bacon & Cream Cheese Pinwheels

Crescent Rolls
Cream Cheese
Onion Powder

Garlic Powder
Bacon Bits

• Preheat oven at 350°
• Roll out half the crescent rolls. I like to roll my with a rolling pin. 
• Spread cream cheese all over the dough.
• Sprinkle onion and garlic powder all over.
• Shake bacon bits over evenly.
• Roll dough into log roll.
• Slice into 3/4 an inch slices.
• Place on a baking sheet
• Place in the oven and bake until golden brown
• Let cool and enjoy